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Cloudy afternoons.

I have to work today, 4-12. So much eww. It's gonna drag by, I know it. At least I only work 5-8 tomorrow. Tomorrow is Andreas costume party and Sunday is the Samhain rite, I need to figure out what I'm taking to potluck and make it. I know it's gonna be cold, so I want to take something warm, but I don't have a crock pot or anything. Le sad.

School is going ok, if not a bit tedious and boring. Money scared me cause there is never enough of it, as of now, I am about 300 short on rent money. Oif. Last night I thought my car was towed cause I forgot where I parked, and I even called the place asking about a black 1998 ford contour, and they said they had one. So I'm sitting on my back porch at like 1am, thinking about the phone bill I haven't paid yet, and the tow fee, and hyperventalating waiting for sean to come get me to go get it out of impound. i get in the car, we start to leave, and as we pull onto neil, I realize that I parked on Neil, and my car is sitting safely outside. I felt like an idiot, but I also felt utter relief at the 150$ that could stay in my bank account. I was also grateful for his willingness to help at 1 am.

Me and Sean have been hanging out a ton lately. Does his wife know? Not really. Don't get me wrong, I don't approve of this. I don't approve of being lied about, and I don't spprove of someone lying to their spouse. But the idea of never speaking to him again fills me with such pain that I become incapacitated.....no that's not the word, as I am still able to function. But I become full of pain, and feelings of abandonment, and enough tears to fill Danu's river.
And I don't know what to do. Advice welcome.



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 26th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
You can borrow my crock pot if you want.

As far as the whole Sean thing: I know that no one's probably going to agree, but I say, if you're willing to withstand the consequences (whatever they may wind up being in the future), then just float on it, let it go where-ever it's going to go, and just enjoy as much of it as you can. I'm not going to try and persuade you otherwise, or say that you deserve better, because at the end of the day, grabbing as much happiness as the fucked up, son of a bitching world can offer, is the only thing really left to do. And it sounds like you're doing that, so don't question it.
Oct. 27th, 2007 05:25 am (UTC)
full moons
I want to do the right thing...
and I don't understand why my judgement is so cloudy.
Oct. 27th, 2007 01:21 pm (UTC)
Yes, I don't doubt that you do, but honey, you've been trying to do the right thing for almost a year now.. take a step back and re-evaluate where you are, how far you've come, and where you want to go. In my experience, when it comes to love, it's always f@#$%#$% cloudy. Sorry I'm not much help. But you'll do the right thing, whatever the right thing is, when it's the right time, whether it be now or later.
Oct. 29th, 2007 03:47 am (UTC)
have I told you lately I love you?
cause I do. I really, really do.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )